I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
