So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
