I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
