Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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