the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
