I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
