I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
