There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
