she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
