did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
