There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
