she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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