well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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