Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
