I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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