Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
