guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
