your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
being pregnant is like rehab
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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