I seem to have left my pride at pride
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
