dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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