why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
