Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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