You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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