covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
