I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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