Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
