I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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