i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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