New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
