im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
