apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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