Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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