I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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