He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
