you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
