i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
