FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
