Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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