You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
