His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
