i just wanna soil my oats bro
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
