There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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