their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
