and you said cock pushups were impossible
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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