i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
