yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i drank out of a bidet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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