I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
