Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I look better un-naked...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
