sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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