didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
