I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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