I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
