the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
