Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
