I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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