Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
