Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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