Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
