needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
